And yet another song for today. Hot pants, baby. The Wedding Present. So good.

Your retro career ma ma ma melted Indeed. A song for today. The Faint will make you sexy.

I have a loaded question… not sure even how to ask it… but I will try. Given all the hate and the crap that happens throughout life, if you had to say what the problem might be, the root, what would you say? If you take any living thing, and burn it, it becomes carbon. So if you take everything, all the crap that happens every day, and boil it down, what do you see? I’m just curious. If you had to say a word or nothing more than a sentence. Why are we so stupid?

Today I must quit my job. :[ I hope they will let me stay. I’ll keep you posted. However, if history holds true, they won’t tell me I’m outta here till Tuesday after they spend the weekend stewing over it on the golf course. Oh well. I have a 3 day weekend to fret about it.

I feel a bit better today. Still freaked out. (bear with me). I had a strange dream last night. It sounds so silly in the retelling but it actually really bothered me at the time. Now it just makes me laugh. It’s sort of like this… I was living with my girlfriend. We had another roommate as well and she says to me

“Hey, tonight I think I’m going to sleep in “name’s” room

(the other roommate). She does and they get it on and then they throw a huge party (all in the same night). People start showing up out of nowhere and they’re playing loud music and drinking. And I’m so upset. Sad because my girlfriend just slept with our roommate and because I hate big parties. A gay guy (I worked with when I first moved here who I barely knew but tried to hang out with some), shows up and starts screaming at me. Saying terrible things about how I never hung out with him and no one really ever liked me and that I smell. (?!) So I left.

As I was leaving the party, I saw people carrying Nico’s furniture up the stairs. And then I saw Nico and said

Hey, you might not want to go up there, they’re having a party and my girlfriend is sleeping with people.

And I met Ryan (my brother) and we went and sat on the beach and watched and waited for whales. It was dusk. Only the beach was along a canal and we sat on a bench beneath a streetlamp.

I don’t want to live anywhere. Is that possible? Is it possible to say

I don’t live anywhere.

? Because I want that to be my life. No. Where. I’m not trying to sound dramatic, I genuinely am tired of thinking on where it is I need to be or go or say I go or do or how long I live there or why I do or why I’m leaving. I want to not

have

to take a year lease. I want to freeload on your couches. All of your couches, (well, judging by some of my search strings, some of you would probably give me a dirtnap, 6 feet down) but the rest of you? Sign one mihow up for one couch (or floor, I’m not choosy but I am kidding).

I hate saying goodbye. Most of the time, I use the French Exit (yes it’s a proper noun for me). I hate saying hello, I just want to sit down and talk. I don’t want to be judged for what I say or don’t say or what I’ve done or not done. I won’t judge you, I promise. I want to make money by working around the place, taking on jobs for a time and then moving to the next one. I want everyone to be ok with that. I wish it were possible to have that place you sit, that thing called ‘Home’ and you could leave it for months on end and then return to rest. But there’s this thing called “commitment” and “rent” and “lease” and it traps people in a life of repetition and bitterness and boredom, until one day you wake up and realize

Holy shit, what the hell have I done with all this time?

We judge folks (some of us) for staying in the same small town all their life. I’ve heard folks say

He’s STILL THERE?!

There’s a reason they stayed there. It makes them happy or something. Or maybe they’re just afraid. Who knows. But why judge? Who cares? But what’s safe? Really? What is safe? Two places? Do you have to be there for 5 years before you move? Is it ok if you have moved 50 times? Is that ok? How does that appear?

I’m having internal conflicts… is that obvious. :)

I migrate, I move around a lot. I have no idea why. I wish I could stop it. I wish I could flip on the content switch and just stay put and be satisfied. I stay at a place for a while, I walk that windy, yellow brick road, and eventually I find that the wizard is some boring dude pressing buttons behind some shitty curtain mass produced at Urban Outfitters. For some stupid reason, instead clicking my heels together, I go on walking in search of something better, looking for this happiness people seem to have or want or need.

A constant state of motion. I don’t think this would normally freak me out (aside from that whole goodbye thing which just makes me crazy, crippled sad [ironic, isn’t it?]) but people say

She’s moving again?

and I begin to think.

There is something in me. I’m sure it’s my own problem. I can blame the outside world (the job, the apartment, the people) all I want, but I know (by now) it’s me. It’s my problem. But say, for a second, there were folks who roamed… just kept moving. That’s what they did. They were movers. The opposite of the folks we judge for staying put. Say that were normal… would I be so hard on myself for this feeling of discontentment? Would it even be a problem?

Why can’t I be that person… the one who moves around. Why can’t I change my environment easily and smoothly without judging myself, without comparing myself to everyone else.

Why doesn’t this make more sense? All of it.

What the hell? Today I’m kicking the shit out of myself.

I wish I had the answers some seem to grasp. I wish I could take a calm mind during times like this and copy some of it over to my own. I want answers.

(And I want it to be ok if tomorrow I don’t feel this way at all).

Because I am sure I won’t.

There is a woman here… she started about a week ago. She just came over to me and said,

Has anyone ever told you you look like….

I looked at her and said,

This one time… when I was in band camp…

. She laughed.

My husband LOVES her.

A little while later, she says

I emailed my husband and he wants me to bring you home for the night. He said we’d return you tomorrow.

I think she meant “to play” (and not in a kinky manner). Still…. Dude. Is there a way I can cash in on this gift? I have a flute…. (That’s just wrong).

So toby and I were so excited last night talking about having an oven soon and making bread, biscuits and other tening baked goods. I was thinking about plants and having a garden again… even if it’s small.

I’m going to join Netflix when we move.

And then he says,

I am going to get some magazine subscriptions

ooooooo!!! Me TOO!

I guess we’re going to finally have a normal life. We won’t have the view or the city to see and speak of, but we’ll have magazines and dvds, cable and plants. money and baked goods. What magazines do you have delivered to your home? Tell me, I want to know. And what magazines would you like to have delivered to your home? I am surely going to get the New Yorker. And maybe Discover. hmmmmmmm

You know what I hate? I hate when you go on vacation and you come back and your computer is “touched”. And I don’t mean touched as in “physically used”. That’s all fine. It’s not mine to own. I mean “touched” as in “special” as in “tweaked”. I have and use QuarkXpress daily. I have for years. I know it like the back of my hand (whatever that means). When I returned to work, I was trying to use the export to PDF filter I have. Printer descriptions are gone. Gone. All of them. However, they’re there. I see them. I reinstalled them. Still it’s pulling generic PPDs from my computer. I have no idea why. So I have done pdfs (as of late) the “old fashioned” way, drastically slowing down my job and it’s pissing me off. I noticed, that when I sign on in the morning, the computer is suddenly looking for “Jane’s” name to sign onto the network. I don’t have this set up. I never have. But this led me to the sneaky bastard who was on my machine. So I asked Jane,

What the hell did you do to my Mac?!

Words were exchanged. Unpleasantness. I was accused of being the one who was wrong as I had saved a file in 5.0 instead of 4.0 and that was why she had to use my machine. Yadda yadda yo. Who cares, right? I do. I guess. I don’t mind when people make mistakes on a machine. I do it. I admit to it. But this is annoying. DAMNIT! But it’s raining. And I love it. I love rainy days. I do.

I’m on a non-fiction kick as of Sunday. :) And I’m reading a book called In the Heart of the Sea. It’s really very good. Just a straight forward story told about what happened to the men. No hidden messages, etc. Anyhow (in a nutshell), they are at sea hunting whales, a massive sperm whale sinks their ship, forcing them onto three smaller whaling boats. They’re thousands of miles from South America and have little water or food. (Moby Dick was based on the story). Anyhow, they’re forced to take desperate, cannibalistic measures. Some of the boats began taking lots (i.e. drew who would be killed in order to keep others alive). Not sure why I bring this up, sort of wondering what people think of this idea. I think (and I can’t ever know this, I do know) that I would eat a dead man or woman but killing someone in order to live, seems…. well… it just seems wrong. I’m not quite done. They’re going over the coincidence(s) of such an act. The captain (i.e. the uncle of the boy killed in order for the others to eat) is apparently being shunned by some, once arriving home. We’ll see. And what do people taste like anyway? Sorry to bore. :)

Last night we got home and made dinner. We watched the Sopranos (we are around the time where [I think] Pussy is going to be killed). Their son is going through this period of

What does this all mean? Why are we here?

And I actually watched an entire disk and didn’t hate Tony’s mother. At 9 I actually paused the DVD and watched American Idol. The normal stuff. I want Justin to go bye-bye. He is still creepy and so very boring. Nikki? Wait, she’s actually still there? And Kelly gave me goosebumps for two reasons, I am a massive emotional dork right now and I think she can sing. I don’t know… she’s damn good. Although last night she looked like Catherine Zeta Jones. I read myself to sleep. Great night. Relaxing. And the weather outside is perfect. It’s cloudy and cool. I like days like this. I do. How do we feel about peanuts? I really enjoy salted ones. But I think my favorite right now are the dry roasted. Indeed. I’m nervous. I have to figure out a way to quit my job. Yesterday my boss said,

What’s this bit about you once playing softball? You any good? I’m going to put it in your job description that next year you play on our company team.

NEXT YEAR?!

See I have been under the impression that since I began working here I was just steps from being let go or fired. No one has ever really given me any indication of job stability. In fact, almost the opposite, really. Hearing this came as a small shock. Oh well. :/

What would you do?

Someone I know works at a place infamous for receiving a letter of resignation (the normal 2-week notice) and firing said person on the spot. Basically, there has only been one person who has been given the full two weeks. All the others were escorted out without pay. This same person just accepted a new job but is not sure what to do as she would really like the 2 weeks of income which will most likely be taken from her. :) Any ideas?

Here are the first batch of images from our trip. There are about 125 more. Perhaps I will post the rest tomorrow. Hmmmmm.

I just want to say, that if I haven’t already proven myself slightly crazy, you’re in for some reiteration of said fact in the next few weeks. And I will post photos tomorrow from the trip. It’s been nuts. Today. Just nuts. Trying to catch up and let it all sink in. Trying to settle charges with Verizon. (Please, tell folks to ‘Just say no’). Trying to fit in and settle down. I need a drink. :)

I got a new job. This will move me a bit closer to taking over the world.

This morning a mouse ran over my feet. “Jane” screamed as it headed directly towards her. It was like an elephant afraid of mice. Her entire body lifted from the chair. She let out a blood-curdling scream. It was so loud. I was more frightened of her than I was of the mouse. A few minutes later, “Steve” emerged from his office to play tough guy and take on that 1 inch tall beast. We watched it run from corner to corner, fearing its small fuzzy life. Jane was breathing heavy in the kitchen, trying to calm down. Steve took a trash can and slammed it down on to the mouse, open side down in order to trap the little guy. I handed him some 80 pound paper to slide beneath the can when I realized he was planning on disposing of the fuzzy beast pleasantly. He slid the paper beneath the can. The paper slid beneath it fine but when it came out on the other side it was smeared with little lines of blood, in the pattern of two small feet. The poor little guy had been injured. I couldn’t bare to watch any further and left the room. And that has been my morning thus far.

I am back. Vacation was wonderful. So relaxing. Cape May is quite lovely. I have about 200 pictures. I will post them when I have some time today. This is hard. Getting back into things. Working. Commuting further than a few beach blocks on a bike with a basket. And there’s no ocean in New York just work and a lot of fast motion. We rented kayaks. Took a “whale” and dolphin watching cruise. Which ended up being a dolphin-watching cruise. Whales off the coast of New Jersey in 35 feet deep water? Hmmmmm, I don’t think so. But that’s ok. It was vacation. And it was nice to be on a boat. We saw that rockstar internet guy Josh Davis several times. We ate a LOT—huge amounts of food. We watched a lot of cable television. We did a lot of laying around. We did a lot of laughing. Well, I did a lot of laughing. We fed a lot of ducks. We did a lot of gonig to bed early and rising early. We drank a lot of coffee. I can’t think of a better way to spend a week’s vacation as a resident of New York City. What did I miss? I get the feeling I missed a lot here at work, but how about with the other world? hmmmmm?

I am on vacation until August 26th. I will try and report from the beach. Who knows. :) Have fun. Take care of the internet.

I have some free time. I am going through my logs and I am finding the IP addresses of all the sick pervs searching for images of young women (I won’t write out the actual search string). I have so many. It’s nearly all of my search strings and for some reason it really bothers me. So I found out where it’s leading them (the page) and I have edited that day entirely. I am not sure how this works, but I’m hoping that they go away. They’re like those little bugs, gnats, that fly around your head and you swat and smoosh and you hate them, they serve no purpose, and they use Windows 98, and they use AOL (hehe). I wish I had a big punk I could light and make them go away. Is there bugspray for the internet?

Pictures. Many did not turn out. By “turn out” I mean, I don’t like them. Or maybe I’m just tired of the same old same old. Sorry. :/

If someone said,

You’re wearing a sock today? So we don’t make fun of you?

what would you think that meant?

Anyone out there in the big world have “Dear Doctor” by the Rolling Stones on MP3? I heard a song earlier that reminded me of this. I would like to hear it again but can not find it. I dunno, this is worth a shot. :) Email me if you do.

My goodness I am so happy I saw Proof before this happened. I just don’t like this crazy bitch. I would constantly be thinking, she can’t write her name in cursive let alone write a mathematical proof. How about someone not actually crazy?

Today, in the locker room, the strangest thing happened. I was standing near a woman. She was running parallel in the race to head back to work. We were on the hair drying part. She grabbed one hair dryer. I grabbed the other. She bent over to give her hair some body and as she did this, she started to cry. I mean really cry. I watched her face drop. It was as if some horrible from her chin only moved to the top of her mind as she bent over. It was the saddest moment of time I ever (barely) witnessed. She stood upright and it stopped. The tears, the look. Just stopped. I wanted to ask her if she was ok. I have been that way a few times in my life. I remember bursting into tears at a car rental place. The guy was confused, all he did was ask me if I could got back to the car and write down the mileage I left with and the mileage I returned with and tell me how much I used, and I burst into tears. I was so depressed back then. For about a month or two, this would happen. It would just happen. And I remember thinking it was never going to go away, that I would always feel this terrible sadness. And (obviously) it went away. But she seemed to be right there. And I wanted to give her a hug and say,

Whatever you’re feeling right now will eventually go away. And you’ll smile and laugh again.

And then I would sing the Mana-manah song and buy her a smoothie. I hope that girl was ok. She was pretty. She was young and she’ll be ok soon. I promise. There are too many sad people in the world. It breaks my heart every day. I hate it. We need to remember all the good people and the sad people when we’re angry. Let’s all be ok for a while.

This advert drives me nuts.

And apparently I am not alone in my dislike. Another irritated traveller calls them “dumbasses”

But then look what happened.

We missed the train!! We dumbasses MISSED THE TRAIN!

Here are some images from my weekend. I had to edit. So boring. Sorry. :)

Holy cow I’ve been gone a long time. Seems I forgot everything. And next week I am on vacation. (WOOHOOO!) so there will be more time to forget stuff. Thursday I went out with Doug and became inebriated. I woke up Friday feeling like dog doo and quickly remembered why drinking sucks. It really does. It just sucks. I did not feel better until Saturday morning. I didn’t move much Saturday either. Just sat there, watching Toby play Spider-man on Sony Playstation 2. We watched more of the Sopranos and then ventured out to see Blood Work. It was only ok. We knew how it would end 15 minutes into the film so at that point it was just watching it end. On Sunday, we did more of the same. Sat around the house watching TV. Toby made some amazing vegan potato salad and tempeh. Holy shit, that potato salad melts in one’s mouth. So good. Doug came back by on Sunday to pick up some of his stuff. And then I went to bed at 10 p.m. in order to get up on Monday at 4:45 to hit the 6:05 a.m. Amtrak train into Washington, DC. (Word to the brothas and sistahs of the world, travelling on a Sunday is (at the very least) a 30 dollar difference to travelling on a Monday). So, off I was, woke up it was dark. Got my tired ass into a car service and headed to Penn Station. Hit DC at 10:00 a.m. and headed straight for the interview. Went very, very well. ::crosses fingers:: And then I met Missy for lunch. We sat, we talked. It was great. DC feels good. In a state of total delirium, on the way back to New York, I decided that New York City is that passionate (but abusive) relationship. The sex is great. It’s really friggin hot. It’s always interesting and it’s rarely cheap. But I don’t trust it. It’s always looking around for something better. It’s abusive (but only when I let it be) and it’s totally and completely unreliable. That said, it’s time to settle down a bit. I’m getting too old for this shit. :) Greetings and hello. Now I must sift through my email.

THIS IS TOBYJOE. I AM THE HACKMASTER! I CAN HACK ANY SITE (to which I have the passwords and programming credit).

Mihow is in DC.

She is on a secret mission.

She will be back tonight.

Until then, please make yourselves at home.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and learn to use your penis, for Christ’s sake.

I am writing from the Chopping Block. I stayed “home” sick today. I have nothing to do at work anyway and I drank too much beer last night with Doug. Spent the morning on the bathroom floor. It was not pleasant. It’s all better now. We had lunch at Veg City Diner where I had some Coke. Bubbles. Yum. We have no internet access at home. It’s sad. I have many photos and am unable to post them. Verizon = morons. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Ok, I should let Toby get back to work now.

11:13 am:

Surfed EBAY for cars.

I am slow. Everyone here is slow. Things are slow. I am bored. Oh please someone say/do something exciting. It’s 11 a.m. I have finished my work for the day. Tis muchly sad. It’s so nice out. Can I go walk around? Can I do something productive? Dangnabbit. Prison must be a mind-numbingly boring. Holy cow, I feel useless.

Woman singers from the 60s. GO!!!

Janis Joplin

(Someone this morning asked me the name of a singing blond woman from the 60s. Hippie-like and I know who I think it is but can’t remember her name. So I need help. Please play along).

Today I got to work. When I got into the building, a very new guy who works here was waiting waiting for the elevator. I said hello and waited as well. When we got on the elevator he turns to me and says,

I thought you might hit the up button. You trusted that I had? How did you know I had?

I laughed

I have a thing with people who do that. It annoys me to no end. Just yesterday, as a matter of fact, a woman mashed the button 10 times as I stood there, already waiting. I was thinking ‘what the hell do you think I’m doing here, hanging out?’ Even if I had wanted to hit the up button just now, I would have stopped myself from doing so.

He said,

I took a class when I was in college, a psychology class, and we studied why people do this. They actually did tests in the school elevator. The ‘close door’ button didn’t work, like it wasn’t even connected to anything, and most people knew this and most people would hit it anyway. It’s a control thing. People think they have control in at least one part of their life.

I have little control in most areas of my life, but I still stop myself from mashing the elevator up button.

I bet he thinks I’m crazy.

I am growing my hair long again. It’s been years since I had it long. It’s at that stage where I normally would just say screw this, and cut it. But I’m going to try and pull through. I have realized, however, that the curls are coming back. I don’t know why this happens, one would assume that the more weight added, the straighter it would get, but that’s not the case at all. It should be clear, by this post, how little I have to report and how lame I am tonight as I have just wasted time talking about my hair. Sorry. G’night.

Yesterday I went ahead and bought the new Beth Orton cd. I still love her. Even though she was hungover and stuff when we saw her live.The cd is great. I will put up some mp3s soon. :)

A suggestion for (some of) the naked people

When getting ready to leave the locker room, it’s ok that you’re naked, we non-nudes are fine with that. But I don’t see any reason why you must bend over to dry your hair, while only wearing a thong and black boots. There is really no need for that. While it doesn’t specifically cause me any harm, I see no reason why the first thing I have to see upon entering the locker room is your ass while it’s being flossed by your 5 dollar thong. For the love of all that is sacred, put some damn cloth(e)s on or dry upright.

How can you not like muffins? Thank you, Nifkin. You bring me joy.

This morning a woman boarded the B 61. She was around 40. Hippie-like and had big blond, long curly hair. She sat down on an outside seat. (I wish people would just move in if the bus is full). But that’s not the point. An elderly man came on at the end of the line. He stood there, looking at her. Just looking. He didn’t say anything, so that was strange, but I just assumed he wanted her to either get up or move over. No big deal, right? Well, she yells,

WHAT?! Do you want to sit down are are you just creepy staring at me and shit! DAMN!

He wanders back and sits elsewhere. It was an odd little morning correspondence. I think she needed coffee or something.

For a very long time I have wanted to take a glass-blowing class. And, for one reason or another, I have been unable to do so. Penn State knew of no such thing. And in DC I had to know someone or something. The other day Toby and I were riding and he spotted a sign advertising a class in Williamsburg. I want to do it. I do. I do. But it’s nearly 600 bucks. So I am not sure. Should I do it? AURGH! Money sucks. (And no, I do not plan on making drug paraphernalia).

Pictures from yesterday and this morning. Yeah, I have been slackin. I won’t do that anymore. :)

Again the day finds me in a good mood. So nice outside. I almost wore a sweater just because. I bought a new sweater when we were in Century 21 last weekend and I have been sort of wanting to wear it. I shall wait till it’s right. It will be like back to school clothing. Or something. I took a crapload of pictures today. So they’ll be up soon. Right now I must finish some freelance before my day begins and I become busy. Be back in a few with images and such.

Confession:

One time, I pierced my belly button. I didn’t have the correct kind of needle, so when I finally got it through, to that last bit of skin, I passed out. I woke up to my cat’s face, all close up, wondering what the hell I was doing on the bathroom floor. Good times. I later got it done by someone who knew what he was doing.

Update from yesterday:

So she sent the photo to both guys. (I don’t think I mentioned that the girl [we’ll call her Jane] has been emailing two boys. Both live far away). Jane sent the (slightly) doctored photo to both guys. One of them (the guy who IS coming here) hasn’t written her back. The other one (the guy who is not coming, yet) wrote her back saying he thought she was pretty cute. So that’s good, right? I hate that I’m a part of this. Just thought I would keep you all up to date on the goings of Jane.

Two more posts have been deleted because of search strings. Damn! There are some super freaky people out there. I sort of hope it’s the same person putting in different variations of one concept. I can’t write it here, well I can write it here, but choose not to for fear of baiting new ones. Aurgh! GO AWAY PERVERTS!

Muffins with cider. Hot apple trees, gourds and corn. Husk better costumes and sunlight untouched by that thick layers of humidities. Candy apple butter nut spread bagels and cream cheese with the hole filled in on a Saturday. There is tea and honey and sips of coffee rings on newspaper with boxes filled in, but only a few. I won’t say crosswords. The sound of airplanes and birds. Trees move with more ease and I am not dripped on by foreign water droplets coming from (what I hope to be) someone’s air-conditioner. Toast, crunchy nut butter taste sauce, apple style pie a la mode. (yum). Leaves brown fall choppity crunch. My foot, feet his, feet hers are stompers around these parts near fall of large petal leaves. Pumpkin great patch focus on lower temps with shorter days but longer sleeps. Down comforter can’t wait sweater time, new one wait for me there. Smells dissipate earlier. Turkey time begins shorter. Skin turns whiter. Wool sheep on farms move from cows’ shade. Stand on the side of the stream and put notdogs on sticks. Wave them around camp style, melty marshmallows and wool socks. Pitch me a tent, I’m staying for a bit. Here with fall, her large gourds and his leaves.

Me Ninja, You Karl’s Mom.

My friend Karl lived a few streets over. He was a nice kid. We liked to sit around and watch TV. Truthfully, I can’t really remember what it is Karl and I actually had in common, perhaps it was only loneliness, I can’t be sure. Maybe it was because our parents were friends. I don’t know. But Karl and I were friends. I used to go over to his place and watch TV in his den. It was a downstairs den. There was a door off the side of the house. I think it was a split-level or something. Who knows, really it was a long time ago. (I remember his toys though). Anyhow, Karl invited me over. Karl was always downstairs when I would come over. And I always rang the doorbell, (the front door) and Mrs.Karl’s Mom would open up, and say

HI Michele! Karl is in the den. Go on down.

And I would. We would watch TV and then I would go home.

One day, I decided to get creative. (WHY!? MICHELE! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET CREATIVE?!) It seems (judging from most of my “creative” memories), getting creative did not prove itself well. There was that one time I caught Mrs. M talking to herself—like actually having a conversation with herself. (Something so totally and completely freaky for a kid watching an adult do). There was that other time, I saw her naked. (Holy shit! The HAIR!! THERE IS HAIR THERE!) And then there was the time I caught the neighborhood boys showing each other their weenies. (I can’t even begin to go here).

Anyhow, adding creativity to normal, every day things don’t always work out the way one wants. I only wanted to scare him. That’s it. Just a simple

BOO!!!!!

watch him scream, and then sit down and watch TV. I was ready for that. So this time, on this day, I figured

To hell with it

And I went right around to that side door. I snuck in and moved my ninja body down the shag, carpeted stairs towards the den. Damn! Was I good. I even took my shoes off. I made not a peep. I rounded the corner, saw someone on the couch and yelled,

BOOOOOYAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

on the top of my 7 year old voice. I quickly got ready for a pee-your-pants-laughter. Nope.

Mrs. Karl’s Mom was so angry. After she stopped screaming from the amazing sneak, scare operation I had just completed she began to yell. The yelling turned in to a deep lecture which brought on my tears which turned into my apologizing over and over again. I didn’t visit Karl that day. I left, headed home and waited for the phone call and the lecture from my parents about not “breaking and entering” into the Stones’ home any more.

That phone call never came. But I think I told my mother out of guilt any way.

A note to all the kids: “Being “creative” is not always a good idea. Just do things as you normally would and you won’t grow up super freaky.

There is a woman I know who has been talking to a man who lives very far away. They “met” via the internet (a match-making thingy). I have been fortunate enough to watch their correspondence over the past 3 months. She has forwarded me emails and sent me pictures of him. All was going very well. The “relationship” progressed and now he is indeed flying here in September to see her. There is one thing, however. She is a large woman. Very large. She is dieting like mad. She is scared. He is thin and fit, (judging from his pictures). He is asking her for pictures and she hasn’t done it yet. She’s been putting it off. She brought back a bunch of pictures from a 1 hour photo place which her friend took. She was very upset as they were all of her entire body. So she asked me if I could do something for her. I took some pictures of her. But was told that I could ONLY take pictures of her head. I then removed any blemishes from the picture and cropped everything to her neck. I feel terribly bad for her. I really do. She is so nervous. She’s sick to her stomach.

How do we feel about PETA? (hehe) Ahhhhh nothing like a good, healthy debate.

::removes the poo from Rob’s hands::

Life without the internet. Indeed. Verizon has shut off our telephone line. Our telephone line is used for DSL only, leaving us without the internet. And it’s annoying, yes. But withdrawal isn’t so bad and it gives me more time to watch movies and read. Toby is learning new geek stuff. Exciting, indeed. He will soon be Lord Geek. I look forward to that, I do. I was trying to remember this weekend what it was I did before I had internet access at home. I was more social, that is certain. I was less lazy, I think. And I definitely watched more movies. Many more.

Friday night we saw that hunk of garbage, Signs. Yes, it was crap. He pulled out every spoon crafted by Oliver Stone and created new ones as well. He fed us all, bite by bite, and for those who may have not gotten this emotionally shallow film, he made it even more clear by unnecessarily wasting more exposed celluloid and showing us flashbacks. Holy cow, M. Night Shyamalan must think we’re all just stupid. The first half of the movie was actually pretty good, it really was. I was even excited at certain points, but in the end he left me gagging. And it will win awards and people will yammer on about how great it was. I just didn’t think so.

Saturday we rode into the city and had breakfast at Kate’s Joint. After that we went shopping but didn’t buy anything. We wandered around NYU and sat and had lemonade in Washington Square Park. Good times. That evening, we watched Mothman Prophecies along with Orange County. It’s rare I bring home two movies and like both of them. But that is exactly what happened. Mothman Prophecies surprised me. I genuinely liked the movie. I’m sure I just ruined any credibility by saying this after tearing in to Signs. So go now, go see Signs. You will love it. Orange County was kick ass. Jack Black is actually “the shit” He just moves across the screen and I laugh. And Colin Hanks (Tom’s son) was great.

Yesterday we barely left the house. So hot. Toby made potato, leek soup and asparagus. So good. We had Newman Os for dessert. Yum. TV and books and bed. Nice, relaxing weekend. And we spent little money. :)

If I had a car I would drive it along route 80 tonight, headed west towards Pennsyltuckey. I would like to wade through water gap by dusk. I want to creep up on the Susquehanna and tell it to slow down. It will tell me to take my own advice, I am sure. Their are huge fireflies along roadways all over Pennsylvania, they flicker firefly style, on and off, on and off, and when they’re off they move into unknown spaces. Hit random, move. Hit random, move. Do these little things surprise anyone else? They blink. They’re blinking bugs. I wonder what raccoons think. Someone should ask them when it’s dark. And then hand them a dollar sign sack and a gun that shoots fireflies.

Can we start a revolution? PLEASE!!!! I want to start a JUST SAY NO TO VERIZON campaign. Is anybody with me? ARE YOU WITH ME? I’m only half joking. If I could just get 200 people to stand up and tell them

No more.

And

SHOVE THAT HIDEOUS HORRIBLE LOGO UP YOUR ASS

There are these things called “lines” and they have crossed, erased, redrawn and then flossed with about 17 of them. They make me fly. ARE YOU WITH ME? WHO’S WITH ME? Please report any Verizon problems here. I will do something. I promise.

Pictures. Indeed.

back up in your ass with the resurrection

Now that is one hell of a search string. Is this a lyric of some sort? It sounds familiar.

There are too many bugs in my life. A few days ago an enormous, 30 billion legged something or another was running across the floor. And I doubt I would have caught said demon until it crawled into my or Toby’s mouth at night if it weren’t for my two goofy cats following it around like it was the COOLEST thing they had ever seen. Anyhow, one less bug. Then last night Toby and I were leaving Veg City Diner and something hit my shoe. I sort of jumped. It ran towards Toby, he jumped. I felt the damn thing through my sneaker! It turned out to be the biggest roach I’d ever seen. The thing would have scared a city rat. Twas not pleasant. And then this morning. Lately we’ve had some flies. We keep out front door open at times for a cross breeze and figured they were just come in that way. Last night I was lying in bed, and I remembered this time in State College when Soung and I found a bag full of potatoes on the top shelf in our cabinet which were infested with maggots. And so this morning, I found a bag of potatoes. Again, not pleasant at all. Speaking of bugs, the biggest one of all is in my head. I only took one day off. I am aware of this. And I’m still going to lay a bit low on the personal things if I can help it. (Which I probably can’t). I tend to say too much. And I get tired of doing this. The way I speak and write is sort of unfiltered. And, at times, I think it comes back to haunt me as I say things I do not totally mean, but are instead fleeting seeds of something. Yesterday, I was suddenly so tired. I picked up the keyboard and began writing a story instead. And I’m still feeling a bit of the mental hangover. But I can’t stay away. I suppose. :) And today is Friday. And I am trying to convince Toby to see a movie he has no real desire in seeing. Or should I say, he wasn’t too keen on the director’s other two, hence his hesitation. We’ll see.

I don’t have to speak much to post images and such. :) So take a look at this. (3.5 mgs)

I am taking some time off. I need to keep my thoughts for a bit. After I put them here, I start to wonder if they’re even mine (or real) any longer. And I’m concerned they’re being used improperly by people who are actually a part of my life. And that’s not at all what I wanted when I began this. The bright light and magnification is unbecoming. I never sought ugly. I’ll be back very soon.