Who's really driving your bus

posted by mihow on May 29th, 2002

Last night I grunted at the TV when a teaser for Fox News came on. I do this often. I hate the news at Fox. It’s worse then tabloid trash, as it still (for unknown reasons) takes itself seriously. Toby and I began talking about it, laughing about it. We were then forced to explain what it is about that particular news station that is so very laughable to our new loft addition from England, Danny. We yammered about it, I moaned, Toby was more fair and it came down to the creation of fake Fox News at 10 headline teasers. I once used, “Who’s REALLY driving your bus! Fox News at 10!” But then a bus driver stabbed some local Brooklyn guy and well that was suddenly not fake any longer. Toby came up with, “When furniture FIGHTS BACK! Fox News at 10!” I want more. Gimme more.

36 Responses to “Who's really driving your bus”

  1. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 07:20 AM

    Basically, it’s just: “INFLAMMATORY AND UNTRUE CONTROVERSY HERE! on Fox News at 10!”

    I LOVE Fox News. It is just so entertaining. Someone once described it as the National Enquirer of news broadcasts. The anchors are hilarious. The other night I actually heard one of them say “breasteses.”

    And of course, the always ominous “It’s 10 pm. Do you know where your children are?”

  2. resa Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 07:27 AM

    the actual fox news channel is fucking hysterical. they are very hardcore. they manage to relate everything back to what clinton did wrong (just about everything is followed up with “and what did…president…clinton do during his time in office to rememdy this???” it is funny cause they can barely bring themselves to call him president). also, they have these snazzy young “newcasters” who sometimes say things like “freaked out” or “spazzed”.

  3. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 07:32 AM

    ha ha ha!

    Clinton? wow. With Bush at the forefront, they have just dropped even lower. Something I did not think was possible.

  4. resa Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 07:35 AM

    yeah, apparently clinotn is responsible for every bad thing thta has ever happened. he is responsible for terrorism, despite the fact that when he had air strikes against various “terrorist” nations, he was ridiculed for trying to “deflect” attention away from the impeachment joke, i mean trial. um, yeah.

  5. tobyjoe Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 07:39 AM

    rob, get on here and bash bill a bit for us!

  6. scbob Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:22 AM

    Here is a link for all you bleeding heart liberals:

    http://www.townhall.com/columnists/kathleenparker/kp20020522.shtml

  7. kafk Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:28 AM

    “Death: Now a total certainty! : Scientists powerless to prevent death in humans”

    Ok I’m a brit what do I know… I still think most US TV news counts as “newszack”

  8. kafk Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:29 AM

    wow I just relaised how brain dead I am as a result of booze aftermath. Ignore all posts from me if you don’t already do so. - the management.

  9. anonymous Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:35 AM

    No. You see, that’s way too clever for Fox. They would rather say something like,

    “DEATH, learn how someone lived forever eating monkey poo.”

  10. jon Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:44 AM

    “DEATH! learn how the celebrities cheat it”

  11. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:49 AM

    “COWS! They know about the ‘supersize’ “

  12. nifkin Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:51 AM

    learn what toxic secrets are in your children’s lunches! tonight on fox news at 10!

    there’s something in your house that could make your wife have three headed alien babies. what is it? find out tonight on fox news at 10…

  13. kafk Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 08:55 AM

    I love america. So more like… “When pretzels attack!: The terrorist threat in the american snack” ?

  14. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:21 AM
    “Bush will address the nation tonight at 8 on all major networks. At 9 p.m. CNN’s “Larry King Live” will air a live interview with special guest Osama bin Laden.”

    I don’t mean to sound ignorant, but I tend to be just that sometimes, what the hell? Have I fallen asleep for a few weeks?

  15. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:36 AM

    wha?

  16. rob Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:37 AM

    Melissa tends to not let me watch ANY news programs. But especially CrossFire on CNN. They always have that idiot “conservative” with the bow tie on who gets reamed on every point, it’s like he is a stooge set up to take the fall. I wind up screaming at him to say something inparticular and Melissa has to remind me that he can’t actually hear me. As a result, news programs are frowned upon in the household. But I still think Bill O’Reiley kicks serious booty.

    And now I’m just going to sit over here quietly with the rest of the neo-conservative/libertarian-leaning freaks.

  17. nifkin Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:38 AM

    ::puts communist party card away::

  18. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:40 AM

    Is no ONE going to answer me?

    I am confused.

    So confused.

  19. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 09:44 AM

    ok i just figured it all out.

    I am stupid. ignore me.

  20. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:08 AM

    well then explain it to me

  21. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:08 AM

    re: Bill O’Reilly

    http://www.fair.org/extra/0205/oh_really.html

  22. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:13 AM

    I read that link Bob sent. I took it in much like I take in FOX 5 News, as “factual” and “truth”.

    I did not read the title of it first. So…

    I read it thinking HOLY SHIT! WHAT THA?!

    and then realized it was a “What if” type of thing.

    At least I hope so, otherwise i will now look stupid more than just once within one comment link. Not that this is a new status, just that I usually don’t openly admit to it. :)

  23. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:14 AM

    What can I say, I skimmed the damn thing. I’m one of “those”.

  24. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:15 AM

    I’m guilty of that at times as well. :)

    So do not worry, grasshopper.

  25. rob Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:15 AM

    nifkin, they give you cards?

    Wouldn’t it have been easier during the McCarthy trials for them just to check people for their cards? And more importantly, does it get you any kind of discounts.

    As for O’Reilly, I really just like to watch him yell at politicians. I doesn’t happen enough down here.

  26. jon Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 10:51 AM

    here’s what 4 years of media studies taught me:

    local news is petty, sensationalist, and often racist

    national news is petty, sensationalist, and often racist

    world news is acceptable if its from another country

    ie- watch bbc in the us, watch cnn in the uk

    now, we all know that they never lie on tv, but they never tell the truth either

    that said, the REAL terrorist in american junk food is…. milk duds. followed by movie popcorn ‘butter’ in a VERY close second

  27. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:04 AM

    You think? Milk duds? So Roll-o’s are as well?

    That movie butter is merely food for roaches. Just trust me on this one sans story.

  28. megami Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:04 AM

    About the ones like Nifkin posted…”Toxic things in your children’s lunches…find out at 10!” I see those all the time on every news channel, and so you tune in because you don’t want your child to die, but they milk it for the entire news show.

    “Good evening, it’s 10 o’clock. What is poisoning our children! It’s evil! Deadly! But first, the weather.” I’ve since decided that whatever it is, it can’t be that poisonous.

  29. jon Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:19 AM

    Milk Duds. Totally.

    Question: How many times have you discovered a cavity, because of a milk dud?

    Question: How many times have you almost pulled a tooth out, because of a milk dud?

    Question: How many times have you choked on a milk dud?

    Question: How many times have you accidentally inhaled a milk dud, struggled for air and lost consciousness only to wake up with a concussion and wearing women’s underwear?

  30. freakgirl Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:25 AM

    You’re right, Jon, milk duds ARE evil.

    Although that women’s underwear thing is probably more a personality quirk of yours than the fault of a particular candy…

  31. allan Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:26 AM

    squeak

  32. mihow Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:29 AM

    milk duds? women’s underwear?

    THOSE WEREN’T MILK DUDS!

    (thank you, i’m here every night).

  33. resa Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 11:31 AM

    fox catch phrase: ”....that could save your family’s life!!!!”

  34. scbob Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 12:02 PM

    Dingleberries, I think!

  35. nifkin Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 12:36 PM

    bob: it depends on which communist party you join i think. in college when i joined the communist party USA (CPUSA) yes, they mailed you a little blank bright red card to write your name on with the main points of the party philosophy on the back. i’m not sure about the others (the only other name that sticks out in my memory is the revolutionary communist party who wanted to violently overthrow the government, which seemed like a bit much to me at the time)...

  36. jon Says:
    May 29th, 2002 at 03:15 PM

    what do you mean ‘wanted to’ violently overthrow the government

    they still do, and are quite alive and kicking

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